1
00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:16,629
Oh, honey, you don't look so good.

2
00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:19,033
You should stay home from brunch.

3
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,758
- Are you sure?
- Mmm.

4
00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:22,108
I really want to go.

5
00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:24,077
You stay and rest.

6
00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:26,628
You can see Grandma when we get back.

7
00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:05,235
Thank you, Videobarn dumpster.

8
00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:33,671
<i>Wanna fuck me, baby?</i>

9
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,149
Oh, yes. Yeah.

10
00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:36,832
<i>You wanna fuck me?</i>

11
00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:44,512
Hey, Erik. Do you know if your dad
still has my clippers?

12
00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:47,319
I have no idea, Mr. Williams.

13
00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:50,119
All right. Go back to what you were doing.

14
00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:55,711
<i>You wanna fuck me, baby?</i>

15
00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:01,395
<i>Yeah.</i>

16
00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:14,070
<i>Yeah. Fuck me, baby.</i>

17
00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:15,799
Yes, please.

18
00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,511
<i>Oh, do me, baby.</i>

19
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:20,629
<i>Honey.</i>

20
00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:22,512
<i>Yeah, just like that.</i>

21
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,751
<i>Oh, yeah! So good, so good, baby.</i>

22
00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:27,273
<i>Oh, yeah!</i>

23
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:30,919
I told you I was paying.

24
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:33,594
So what's the difference
if you forgot the coupon?

25
00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:35,193
Honey, she doesn't like to waste money.

26
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,316
There's no way I'm letting you pay full price

27
00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:40,915
when there's a two-for-one coupon
sitting on the counter.

28
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,069
I'll be right out.

29
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:44,196
I'm coming, too. Now I gotta pee.

30
00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:45,315
I'll check on Erik.

31
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:46,435
Oh, yeah.

32
00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:48,192
<i>Oh. Oh, that's good.</i>

33
00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:50,475
- You like that? I like that, too.
- <i>Oh, yeah!</i>

34
00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:52,675
Here we go.

35
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:53,749
Okay, Mom.

36
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,592
- <i>Harder.</i>
- Harder? Okay.

37
00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:56,749
<i>Oh, yeah! So good.</i>

38
00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:58,558
- Like this?
- <i>Yeah, right there, babe.</i>

39
00:02:58,640 --> 00:02:59,868
- Like this? Like this?
- <i>Yeah.</i>

40
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,439
<i>Baby, do me just like that.</i>

41
00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:03,795
Okay, attagirl.

42
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:06,911
- From behind?
- <i>Oh, yeah, baby! Harder!</i>

43
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:08,319
- Okay.
- All right.

44
00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:10,638
- <i>You wanna cum for me, baby?</i>
- Oh, yeah.

45
00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:12,631
- <i>Yeah? Cum for me, baby.</i>
- I'm so close. I will.

46
00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:13,755
We're almost there.

47
00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:14,875
<i>You're gonna cum for me?</i>

48
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:16,075
I'm about to. I'm about to.

49
00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:17,593
<i>That's it, baby.</i>

50
00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:31,398
Grandma. Grandma.

51
00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:34,679
Grandma.

52
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:39,070
<i>And that's the day</i>
<i>my grandmother died.</i>

53
00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:42,277
<i>And it's pretty much the story of my life.</i>
<i>But let me back things up a little bit.</i>

54
00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:52,232
<i>That's me. Not exactly the life of the party.</i>

55
00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:56,918
<i>That's my buddy, Mike Coozeman.</i>

56
00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:00,470
<i>Everybody calls him Cooze</i>
<i>'cause that's all he's ever interested in.</i>

57
00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:03,870
<i>Cooze is a self-proclaimed ladies' man</i>
<i>and a legend in his own mind.</i>

58
00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:05,234
<i>Sometimes his methods are...</i>

59
00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:08,119
<i>questionable.</i>

60
00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:11,079
Very smooth.

61
00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:13,836
Oh, please. I consider that foreplay.

62
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:14,955
Where's Ryan?

63
00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:16,029
I don't know.

64
00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:20,557
Last time I saw him,
he was dancing with Stacey and Shelly.

65
00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:24,594
<i>That's my best friend, Ryan Grimm.</i>

66
00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:27,510
<i>I don't know how he does it.</i>

67
00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:32,672
See, I told you there was enough
for both of you.

68
00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:33,954
<i>He moved here in second grade.</i>

69
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:37,669
<i>Believe it or not, back then,</i>
<i>I was the one showing him the ropes.</i>

70
00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:39,398
<i>Now he's the quarterback</i>
<i>of the football team,</i>

71
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,630
<i>and the coolest guy in school.</i>

72
00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:44,757
Hey, I brought you a vodka and ginger ale
so it won't upset your stomach.

73
00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:47,035
Oh, thanks.

74
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,953
<i>That's my girlfriend, Tracy.</i>

75
00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,113
<i>We met in Biology, junior year.</i>

76
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:55,033
Now make the first
incision into your frogs.

77
00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:59,230
Cut along the ventral side from the pelvic
to the pectoral girdle.

78
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:01,915
Oh!

79
00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:05,072
<i>I don't know what she saw in me,</i>

80
00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:09,199
<i>but when I finally got up the nerve</i>
<i>to ask her out, she said yes.</i>

81
00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:13,678
<i>And for some reason,</i>
<i>she kept going out with me.</i>

82
00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:17,070
<i>It's like she totally gets me.</i>

83
00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:20,950
<i>And I try my best to get her.</i>

84
00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:29,668
Come on. Take the low one. It's easy.

85
00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:33,754
Screw it.

86
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,475
Oh!

87
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:45,438
Are you all right?

88
00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:49,271
I don't know.
Is it possible to break your ass?

89
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:52,830
Okay, I promise I'll never make you
ride a horse again.

90
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:57,634
<i>Looks like she's perfect, right?</i>
<i>There's just one problem.</i>

91
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:04,272
<i>Tracy's not ready to have sex yet,</i>
<i>so that makes me a virgin.</i>

92
00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:08,237
<i>Now, being one of the only virgins in school</i>
<i>is bad enough,</i>

93
00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:10,756
<i>but it's even worse for me.</i>

94
00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:13,835
<i>Yup.</i>

95
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,189
<i>I'm a Stifler.</i>

96
00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:18,309
<i>My cousins are the legendary Stifler boys.</i>

97
00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:22,916
<i>Steve, his brother, Matt,</i>
<i>and our other cousin, Dwight.</i>

98
00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:26,275
<i>You see, with my last name</i>
<i>comes responsibility,</i>

99
00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:28,954
<i>a reputation that I'm supposed to live up to.</i>

100
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:32,590
<i>Unfortunately, I've let down the family name</i>
<i>on more than one occasion.</i>

101
00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:33,908
What's your problem, Erik?

102
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:36,833
Your cousin would've helped me
steal this beer.

103
00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:40,390
Dude, a real Stifler
would have totally fucked that goat.

104
00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:44,234
If you were really a Stifler,
you would have nailed Tracy by now.

105
00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:46,034
<i>Stifler.</i>

106
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:50,389
<i>My name, my legacy, my curse.</i>

107
00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:57,398
I can't believe you killed your grandmother
from jerking off.

108
00:06:57,480 --> 00:06:59,072
The coroner's findings were inconclusive.

109
00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:01,799
Why are you still whacking it
to that dumpster porn?

110
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,758
Yeah, why don't you just go on the Internet
like a normal person?

111
00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:06,637
Well, because my mom
put on that CyberNanny

112
00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:09,553
after you spent the entire night looking up
German fetish porn.

113
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:11,790
Man, you are pathetic.

114
00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:14,680
You know who I blame for this? Tracy.

115
00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:16,193
What? Why?

116
00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:18,714
Because, if she would just give up
a little ass,

117
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:22,918
then maybe you wouldn't be killing
your relatives with your money shot.

118
00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:29,595
Erik, you cannot graduate a virgin.
For Christ's sake, you're a Stifler.

119
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:38,990
Hey, sweetie. How was your math class?

120
00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:41,389
It was all right. How was English?

121
00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:43,436
Pretty interesting, actually.

122
00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:45,033
You know that kid
that I always tell you about?

123
00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:48,157
- He was doing that pencil thing all...
- That's cool.

124
00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:50,709
You okay?

125
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,199
Yeah, I'm fine.

126
00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:57,799
Erik, we've been dating for two years.
I know when something's bothering you.

127
00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:59,108
Nothing's wrong.

128
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,839
I don't know why you think
you have this psychic ability to read me.

129
00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:04,195
Because I do. What is it?

130
00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:08,157
You're gonna think I'm an asshole.
Let's just forget about it.

131
00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:11,755
Come on, Erik, you know you can talk to me
about anything.

132
00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:14,593
All right.

133
00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:21,073
It's the sex.

134
00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:23,315
I mean,

135
00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:26,472
we've been together for two years.
Two years, Trace.

136
00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:28,835
I mean, when we were juniors,
it was one thing,

137
00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:30,512
but we're seniors now,
and this whole virgin thing

138
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,989
is starting to have
some serious consequences.

139
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,991
I mean, people are dying.

140
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:37,838
I told you, I'm not ready yet.

141
00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:39,876
I am so ready.

142
00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,395
Can't I be ready enough for the both of us?

143
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,311
It doesn't work that way.

144
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:45,913
It should.

145
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:48,829
I'm sorry, Erik.
I know how patient you've been.

146
00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,150
I know. It's just sometimes...

147
00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:52,629
What?

148
00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:56,629
Well, you're a girl.
It's a lot easier for you to be a virgin

149
00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:59,518
because the longer you stay a virgin,
the more pure and innocent you seem.

150
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:00,919
The longer I stay a virgin,

151
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:04,436
the more I become the laughingstock
of the entire school.

152
00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:07,677
I'm sorry, but... I mean...

153
00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:09,512
I'm sorry I brought it up.

154
00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:13,595
I gotta go. I'll see you after school.

155
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:16,715
Okay.

156
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:19,949
Bye.

157
00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:28,678
I'm telling you, his dick was this big.

158
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:32,629
What about Erik?
I bet he's got a big one.

159
00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:34,597
Well, Tracy wouldn't know.

160
00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:35,669
Whatever.

161
00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:39,319
Yeah, I guess it's pretty hard
to figure out dick size from dry humping.

162
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:40,674
Brooke, that's mean.

163
00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:43,672
Just because I don't have a catalog
of the school's dick sizes like you,

164
00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:45,716
doesn't mean I don't know a thing or two.

165
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:48,598
Okay, so how big is Erik's?

166
00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:52,235
See? Told you.

167
00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:53,639
Come on, Brooke.

168
00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:55,153
It's not like that with us.

169
00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:57,435
I mean, Erik's different.
He respects my boundaries.

170
00:09:57,520 --> 00:09:59,476
Well, you better give that boy
a reason to stick around,

171
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:02,074
or he's gonna find a girl
with looser boundaries.

172
00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:03,595
Erik would never do that.

173
00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:05,238
Yeah, that's what you said about Trent.

174
00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:08,676
He broke up with you over sex,
and that was sophomore year.

175
00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:11,638
Yeah, this just isn't gonna
work without the sex.

176
00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:16,034
God, Trent is cute,
and I heard he just broke up with Holly.

177
00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:20,879
Look, Tracy, we love you, and we love Erik,
but let's get real.

178
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,709
He's a guy, and guys have certain needs.

179
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:27,475
They really do.
It's like a caveman thing or something.

180
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:30,950
Yeah, I can't believe
you've kept him tied up this long.

181
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,910
Hey, Erik, guess who I just talked to?

182
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,035
Who?

183
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:37,076
Your cousin Stifler up at Michigan.

184
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:38,513
Why are you talking to my cousin Dwight?

185
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:40,591
Oh, we talk all the time.

186
00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:41,999
What? We have a lot in common.

187
00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:43,832
What's that crazy bastard up to?

188
00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:47,515
He's in some fraternity,
and all those guys do is drink and fuck.

189
00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:50,239
And it just so happens that they're throwing
a monster party this weekend

190
00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:51,355
for the Naked Mile.

191
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:52,509
What's the Naked Mile?

192
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,318
Oh, dude, it's this thing
where thousands of students

193
00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:55,719
run naked through campus.

194
00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:57,916
It's the way of blowing off
steam after exams.

195
00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,718
Thousands of naked chicks?

196
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,678
Stifler says that this party is gonna be epic.

197
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:04,830
Bottom line is, this place is played out.

198
00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:06,194
High school's over for us.

199
00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:08,157
It's time to plant our flag in a new land.

200
00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:11,950
Porn, cumshot, dead grandmother,
grounded forever?

201
00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:13,075
Don't worry.

202
00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:16,311
Just tell your parents that, you know,
you're thinking about going to school there.

203
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,231
- I don't know, man.
- Oh, please.

204
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:20,834
Your mom cried when you told her
you were going to school in Boston.

205
00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:23,514
She'll probably help you pack
if she thinks it'll keep you close to home.

206
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:24,794
I'll help you pack.

207
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:26,474
I'll make sandwiches.

208
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:27,635
Chicken salad?

209
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:28,755
Of course.

210
00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:30,751
Are you gonna get a chance
to see your cousin?

211
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,593
Yeah. We might stop by and say hello.

212
00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:36,433
Now, there's someone you
should definitely look up to.

213
00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:38,795
I bet he doesn't have time
to blow his load on his family.

214
00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:40,552
- Harry, please.
I don't understand.

215
00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:43,712
When I was your age,
I was up to my neck in poontang.

216
00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:46,156
I didn't have time to spank my monkey.

217
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:49,471
Thank you for that very
disturbing image, Dad.

218
00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:53,269
I mean, Stiflers do not fake
being sick to stay home and pull dick.

219
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:54,429
We cut class to get ass.

220
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:56,795
Yes, I know.
That saying is on our family crest.

221
00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:58,677
Oh, don't let me forget
to pack the Imodium AD.

222
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,034
You know, just in case you get diarrhea.

223
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:01,951
- Mom.
- I am so excited.

224
00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:03,029
Aren't you excited, Harry?

225
00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:04,758
I'm very excited.

226
00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:07,272
Don't you get excited.

227
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:08,679
<i>It worked</i>
<i>just like you said.</i>

228
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:11,593
She's helping me pack,
and she's even making us sandwiches.

229
00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:13,079
- Chicken salad?
- <i>Yup.</i>

230
00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:14,229
Sweet.

231
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:15,992
See, I told you. Never doubt me.

232
00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:19,636
<i>Man, this weekend is gonna be tits.</i>
<i>I can't wait to see Stifler.</i>

233
00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,959
Hey, how come you never call me Stifler?

234
00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:24,873
You're more of an Erik.

235
00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:27,354
Hold on.

236
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:29,439
That's Tracy. I'd better take it.

237
00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:30,555
All right, later.

238
00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:35,749
Hey, sweetie.
Listen, about today, I'm really...

239
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:37,876
Erik, I wanna have sex.

240
00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:39,795
Excuse me?

241
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:42,430
<i>I wanna have sex.</i>

242
00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:43,589
Are you serious?

243
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:44,954
Absolutely.

244
00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:48,513
Do you have me on a conference call?
Because if you do, that is so not cool.

245
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,192
Erik, this isn't a joke.

246
00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:52,950
I want to have sex.

247
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,908
Yes! Yes, yes.

248
00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:58,475
<i>Tonight.</i>

249
00:12:58,560 --> 00:12:59,595
What?

250
00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:01,989
Tonight. I wanna have sex tonight.

251
00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:03,993
How am I supposed to get out of my house?

252
00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:05,433
<i>That's up to you.</i>

253
00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:09,155
But at midnight, I'll be in my basement

254
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:10,798
waiting to be ravished.

255
00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:12,434
I'll be there.

256
00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:35,034
Hypocrite.

257
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,673
So you get the beer and the weed,
and I'll handle the nitrous.

258
00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:41,557
You got it. What's Erik bringing?

259
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:42,755
Sandwiches.

260
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:46,310
Nice. Chicken salad and college pussy.

261
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:47,958
My favorite combination.

262
00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:49,758
Yeah, well, at least you'll get to taste
the chicken salad.

263
00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:50,955
<i>Ow.</i>

264
00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:52,792
Hey, what do you think Erik's doing
right now?

265
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:54,996
Probably beating off to dumpster porn.

266
00:13:55,680 --> 00:13:59,070
No more beating off to dumpster porn.
No more virgin jokes.

267
00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:01,390
Tonight, Erik Stifler becomes a man.

268
00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:38,712
- Hi.
- Come on in.

269
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:47,794
- All right, listen.
- No.

270
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:49,953
No talking.

271
00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:16,275
Wait.

272
00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:17,395
What?

273
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:18,833
Did you hear something?

274
00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:22,435
No. Don't worry, my parents are passed out.

275
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,473
Are you sure?
You know how my stomach gets.

276
00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:30,708
Here, I'll help you relax.

277
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,876
You brought something, right?

278
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:51,036
Oh, shit. I left it at home.

279
00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:54,596
I can run back and get it.
I'll be back in like five...

280
00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:57,114
No, no, don't worry. I've got one.

281
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:03,069
Do you wanna put it on or should I?

282
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:05,038
Let's put it on together.

283
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:23,474
Are you ready?

284
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:25,269
Yeah.

285
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:30,276
Shit. Someone's coming.
Quick, get behind the bar. Now!

286
00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:43,756
Honey, what are you still doing up?

287
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:45,869
Yoga.

288
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:47,554
I ate too much at dinner.

289
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,039
Why don't you take an Alka-Seltzer?

290
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:50,792
Alka-Seltzer is for babies.

291
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:52,279
I just need a nightcap.

292
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:56,754
Excuse me.

293
00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:58,956
Sounds like you could use an Alka-Seltzer.

294
00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:01,076
Daddy. Here, let me get you your drink.

295
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:03,196
No, that's okay, honey.
You go back to your yoga.

296
00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:04,838
No, Daddy, I really want to.

297
00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:07,878
Sweetie, I'm a grown man.
I can make my own drink.

298
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:23,793
What was that?

299
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:25,675
What was what?

300
00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:26,909
I didn't hear anything.

301
00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:30,558
There was a noise
coming from the laundry room.

302
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:00,268
I must be hearing things.

303
00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:03,511
See, Daddy? I told you.
Now, come make your drink.

304
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:07,715
What the...

305
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:24,912
You all right, baby?

306
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,433
I'm fine, Daddy.

307
00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:42,671
Oh, that sick bastard took
a shit in our dryer.

308
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:45,878
I'm calling the police.

309
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:02,910
Ryan? Ryan?

310
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,956
Ryan, get up man. Ryan!

311
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:06,519
What the fuck?

312
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,158
It's me. It's Erik.

313
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:10,993
Dude, why are you naked in my room?

314
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:14,630
And with a rubber on your dick.

315
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,711
Oh, yeah. Sorry about that.

316
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,433
Look, I'm in serious trouble, okay?
I need your help.

317
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:23,958
What's that smell?

318
00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:26,271
Did you step in dog shit?

319
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:28,148
Yeah.

320
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:32,037
Hey, man, thanks for the clothes.
I'll get them back to you.

321
00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:34,839
No, thanks. Why don't you just burn them?

322
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,955
Wonder if I get a reward for turning you in.

323
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:41,236
<i>If the alleged</i>
<i>improprieties are confirmed,</i>

324
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,515
<i>it could be devastating for the White House.</i>

325
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,272
<i>Sources near the</i>
<i>administration would neither</i>

326
00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:47,510
<i>confirm nor deny the allegations.</i>

327
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:51,115
<i>And in local news, a masked burglar broke</i>
<i>into an area residence,</i>

328
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:55,318
<i>defecated in the family dryer,</i>
<i>and then exposed himself to a teenage girl.</i>

329
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:56,833
<i>Police are continuing the search,</i>

330
00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:59,673
<i>but the whereabouts and</i>
<i>identity of the perpetrator are unknown.</i>

331
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:01,318
What is wrong with these people?

332
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:02,913
<i>And now, Dakota Snow</i>
<i>with the weekend forecast.</i>

333
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,035
I don't know.

334
00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:13,309
You scared me.

335
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:14,594
Sorry.

336
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:16,109
Listen, about last night...

337
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:19,636
Yeah, you know,
I'd just really rather not talk about it.

338
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:21,831
I really think that we should.

339
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,518
Erik, you took a crap in my dryer.

340
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,029
Your dad scared the shit out of me.

341
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:29,868
- Wait.
- You know, let's just...

342
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:31,951
Let's forget about it, okay?

343
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:36,548
Okay, but what about the other thing?

344
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:40,628
The sex?

345
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:43,829
I'm taking last night as a sign from above.

346
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:45,712
But maybe...
I mean, if your dad didn't come down...

347
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:48,678
Erik, I love you. I'm just...

348
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:50,673
I'm not ready yet.

349
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:52,389
Really?

350
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:55,029
Really.

351
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:58,437
But I also realized just how ready you are.

352
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:01,356
I don't wanna break up over sex.

353
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:03,192
I don't think we have to.

354
00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:08,352
I'm not ready. You are.
It's selfish for me to keep you tied down.

355
00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:12,509
So, this is what I'm proposing.

356
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:15,955
A guilt-free pass for this weekend.

357
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:19,077
That means you can do
whatever you want up there

358
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:21,396
with no consequences.

359
00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:24,792
You're sure about this?

360
00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:28,476
I don't think love and sex
have to be tied to each other,

361
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:31,277
so I'm okay with this.

362
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:34,752
One weekend. Get it out of your system,

363
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:37,798
and come back to me.

364
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,037
Is this some kind of a test?

365
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:43,514
Not at all.

366
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:52,312
and one of bomb beer.
Yes.

367
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:53,594
See, this is perfect.

368
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:55,998
Hey, we all set?

369
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:57,639
I don't know.

370
00:21:57,720 --> 00:21:58,755
I told you he'd puss out.

371
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,638
Tell me you at least
brought the sandwiches.

372
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:03,472
What's the problem?

373
00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:05,198
There is no problem.

374
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,755
Tracy just gave me
a guilt-free pass for the weekend,

375
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:10,149
which means I can do anything I want.

376
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:11,468
Anything?

377
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:13,839
You mean...

378
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:17,595
Yeah, she said
that love and sex don't have to be linked.

379
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:19,272
She wants me to get it out of my system.

380
00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:23,990
Dude, your girlfriend just went from
the lamest to the coolest in one shot.

381
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:26,836
You guys think it could be, like,
some sort of a test?

382
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,070
- No, no.
- No, no.

383
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:30,559
Tracy's a smart girl.

384
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:32,278
She's mature enough to see
that you're a man...

385
00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:34,669
- Yeah.
...and you have certain needs.

386
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:35,795
You think so?

387
00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:37,233
Absolutely.

388
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:39,149
You're driving.

389
00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:41,629
Now get in the car
so we can go get you some random pussy.

390
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:46,230
Gentlemen, it's Friday afternoon,
we've got a full tank of gas,

391
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:48,550
a quarter ounce of weed,
three cases of beer,

392
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:50,870
a ten-pound tank of nitrous,
we're underage...

393
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:53,394
And I am too drunk to drive.

394
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:55,469
Hit it.

395
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,236
You sure this shit's safe?

396
00:23:18,360 --> 00:23:22,035
It's as safe as any other chemical
used to freeze-dry animals.

397
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:26,752
Look at the size of that fucking chicken.

398
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:27,829
Where?

399
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:33,069
Whoa, what the fuck?
- What fucking chicken?

400
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:35,350
Relax, he's hallucinating.

401
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:38,431
Are you out of your fucking mind?

402
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:41,239
Yeah, Tracy. What were you thinking?

403
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:43,914
But you guys told me
I had to give him a reason to stick around.

404
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:45,797
Yeah, you give him a reason,

405
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:48,235
not give him a free pass
to go have a weekend orgy.

406
00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:49,594
You've got to stop this.

407
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:52,956
If he has sex this weekend,
what do you think's gonna happen?

408
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:54,234
That it will get it out of his system.

409
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:55,992
Oh, yeah. That's how it works.

410
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:58,310
He's gonna go from
getting laid back to dry humping.

411
00:23:58,400 --> 00:23:59,992
It's pretty risky, Tracy.

412
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:03,356
Risky? It's a fucking Pandora's box, literally.

413
00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:08,272
And once he's felt
the soft pink velvet on the inside of the box,

414
00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:11,955
he's not gonna go back
to rubbing his dick on the outside of the lid.

415
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:13,758
Never thought of it like that.

416
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:15,956
Tracy, men are like dogs

417
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:18,634
that run around and hump
anything they see.

418
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:21,598
Now go and get your dog back on its leash.

419
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:45,233
Come on, Erik.

420
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:53,595
I knew it was too good to be true.

421
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:01,599
Sorry, kids. It's for the best.

422
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:28,475
Tracy?

423
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:30,589
Oh, Mr. Levenstein.

424
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:31,795
- Hi.
- Hi.

425
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:33,632
You're back for more yoga.

426
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:35,153
Well, my wife is hooked on it,

427
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:39,995
and she thinks if I can be
a little more flexible, we can try some new...

428
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:45,195
Have you ever heard of a book
called the <i>Kama Sutra</i>?

429
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:47,949
No.

430
00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:50,197
Oh, well, my wife just got it,

431
00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:53,875
and there's some stuff in there that requires
some serious stretching,

432
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:55,916
if you know what I mean.

433
00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:59,552
Are you okay, honey?
You look a little upset.

434
00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:02,953
Oh, you know, just some boyfriend stuff.

435
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:05,156
Oh, boyfriend stuff.

436
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:08,109
Well, if there's anything I can do.

437
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:12,515
No offense or anything,
but I don't think you'd understand.

438
00:26:13,120 --> 00:26:14,439
Oh, I see.

439
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:17,675
You know, my son had his fair share

440
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:21,355
of relationship/sexual/

441
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:25,110
pastry-related difficulties,

442
00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:29,432
and I think my advice
helped him over the years.

443
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:34,395
Well, do you have any advice for a girl
dumb enough to give her virgin boyfriend

444
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:36,869
a guilt-free pass for the weekend?

445
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:40,278
I'm sorry, a guilt-free pass?

446
00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:43,797
That means he could do whatever he wants
this weekend with no consequences.

447
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:45,711
Oh my!

448
00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:48,878
Well, that certainly sounds progressive,

449
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:54,275
and a safe bet on what is probably gonna be
a humdrum weekend.

450
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:58,468
He's at the Naked Mile this weekend.

451
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:02,713
You gave your boyfriend a guilt-free pass
to the Naked Mile? Are you kidding me?

452
00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:05,951
Tracy, the Naked Mile is insane. You...

453
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:09,555
From what I hear.
I wouldn't know from personal experience

454
00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:13,872
because I, you know,
I have nothing whatsoever to do with it.

455
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:16,474
But, look, Tracy,

456
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:19,677
even if your boyfriend is at this Naked Mile,

457
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,638
it doesn't mean he's gonna do anything.

458
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:24,875
Really?

459
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,918
Well, just because he can,
doesn't mean he will.

460
00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:32,032
Relationships are all about trust.

461
00:27:35,120 --> 00:27:37,429
Yeah, I guess you're right.

462
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,953
Well, <i>namaste</i>.

463
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:42,634
<i>Namaste.</i>

464
00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:01,836
Hey, have you seen my phone?

465
00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:03,035
No.

466
00:28:03,120 --> 00:28:04,997
Maybe you left it back at school.

467
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:06,957
No, no, I thought I put in my backpack.

468
00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:13,712
Hey, you wanna pull over
at that stop up ahead? I gotta take a piss.

469
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:16,109
Just piss in a can or something.

470
00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:19,471
Man, I could cut my dick on the lip.

471
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:20,959
Well, piss out the window.

472
00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:49,712
Love that breeze off the lake.

473
00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:04,036
This place is incredible.

474
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:07,238
Just think, next year
I'm gonna be going here.

475
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:10,073
Yeah, thanks to Daddy
and his alumni connections.

476
00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:12,879
Fuck off.
I told you, I got in on my SAT scores.

477
00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:15,315
You scored five points
above being legally retarded.

478
00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:19,549
Whatever. Still got in.

479
00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:22,671
Hey, why does it smell like piss back here?

480
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:27,710
This is it. Beta Delta Xi.

481
00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:29,552
This is the house?
Yeah.

482
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:30,629
Cool.

483
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:33,469
Whoa.

484
00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:40,914
What's going on here?

485
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:42,558
I have no idea.

486
00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:53,710
Drink. Drink. Drink. Drink.

487
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:00,517
Drink. Drink. Drink. Drink.

488
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:01,635
Hold your drink!

489
00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:06,588
Whoa.

490
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:14,318
Okay.

491
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:16,273
Yeah.

492
00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:22,155
How you feeling there, Stretch?

493
00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:23,794
Little dizzy?

494
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:26,593
'Cause guess what?

495
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:30,759
Stifler can drink this shit all day long.

496
00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:37,239
Stifler!

497
00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:40,835
Your cousin is my hero.

498
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:45,948
- All right, everybody freeze!
- Oh, shit.

499
00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:47,553
Campus security.

500
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:50,311
Nobody takes another drink...

501
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:57,477
...till I got my bet down. I got $200 on Stifler!

502
00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:04,753
Spanky, you had me going,
you silly son of a bitch.

503
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:06,478
Let's do it. Do it!

504
00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:07,549
Yeah.

505
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:26,757
You got steel nuts, my man.
I'll give you that much.

506
00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:28,432
But you're no match for the Stif-man.

507
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:32,032
Fuck you, Stifler.

508
00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:34,909
Yeah.

509
00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:37,669
Yeah.

510
00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:43,914
What's the matter, Boy Band?

511
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:46,673
You need a little something
to settle your stomach?

512
00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:58,589
Yeah, take in the Stifler essence.

513
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:01,276
Mighty pungent.

514
00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:11,995
Yeah!

515
00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:15,629
And still Heavyweight Drinking Champion
of the World,

516
00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:20,510
Dwight "The Iron Liver" Stifler!

517
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:25,752
I'm a bad motherfucker, baby!

518
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:34,957
He's okay. He's okay.

519
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:43,471
Hey, cousin.

520
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:46,239
How you doing?

521
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:49,592
I'm fine, Dwight. Are you okay?

522
00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:51,434
Oh, yeah, I'm fine.

523
00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:53,754
I'm fine.

524
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:57,869
Hey, I heard that you killed
Grandma with your cumshot.

525
00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:01,034
That sucks, man.

526
00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:07,433
Should we take him to the hospital?

527
00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:09,112
No, he'll be fine.

528
00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:11,953
He told me he does this, like, once a month.

529
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:17,078
Okay, well, you guys keep an eye on him.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

530
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:35,475
So, when are we gonna start partying?

531
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:37,910
Oh, someone's feeling a little frisky.

532
00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:41,596
Let's just say I finally decided
to live up to the family name.

533
00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:46,552
Stifler? We got a serious problem, man.

534
00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:50,392
Mike and the guys just got arrested
trying to steal a monkey from the zoo.

535
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:54,798
So what's the problem?
Just take the money out of my bail fund.

536
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:56,996
They're almost half our football team.

537
00:33:57,080 --> 00:33:59,799
We gotta put a team
on the field, man, or we're done.

538
00:33:59,880 --> 00:34:02,110
- Why?
- 'Cause we're already on probation.

539
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:05,000
We gotta participate in every intermural event

540
00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:07,316
or we're kicked off campus, man.

541
00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:08,993
We're four guys short.

542
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:14,595
I play football.

543
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:17,551
I played freshman year.

544
00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:20,428
What about you?

545
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:22,633
A little Nerf here and there.

546
00:34:22,720 --> 00:34:24,915
Good enough. Stifler?

547
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:26,069
Mmm?

548
00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:28,879
Can you play?

549
00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:38,309
Don't ever

550
00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:40,311
ask if Stifler can play.

551
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:51,675
I'm good.

552
00:34:54,720 --> 00:34:58,793
The team we're playing's
been undefeated five straight years.

553
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:00,996
These guys must be pretty serious.

554
00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:03,230
Fucking-A-right, they're serious.

555
00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:05,476
Lambda Pi Gamma.

556
00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:08,870
They're our arch rivals in everything:
Sports, women, booze.

557
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:12,553
These guys are fucking evil.

558
00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:15,189
Get ready!

559
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:16,554
Come on!

560
00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:18,393
Down!

561
00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:21,316
Blue 42.

562
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:22,595
They're midgets.

563
00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:23,715
Hut, hut!

564
00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:29,351
Don't let their size fool you.

565
00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:33,035
These guys are fucking animals.

566
00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:36,072
Did I do too much nitrous?
A midget fraternity?

567
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:40,632
Those rich midgets from those infomercials
gave the school some huge grant,

568
00:35:40,720 --> 00:35:44,269
and started a school
for the vertically challenged and a fraternity.

569
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:46,999
And this is where every midget
in America wants to be.

570
00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:48,069
Hot feet!

571
00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:49,195
That's right.

572
00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:50,269
Breakdown.

573
00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:52,794
These guys are the best of the best.

574
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:55,479
Well, well, well.

575
00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:59,908
If it isn't the regular-size retards
and Captain Retard himself.

576
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:01,831
You ready to get your ass
kicked again, Shitler?

577
00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:05,513
Get back to Oz there
before you get your ass stomped, Toto.

578
00:36:06,720 --> 00:36:10,030
Toto was the dog, you fucking idiot.

579
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:13,391
Lick my balls, big-wheel-riding,
midget motherfucker.

580
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:15,277
It's little person, fuck-nut.

581
00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:19,070
This year, I'm gonna take
a chunk out of your other leg.

582
00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:20,554
You little...

583
00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:27,592
- You want it? You want it? Come on.
- Take it easy.

584
00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:29,079
Whoa. Whoa.

585
00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:30,918
Out of my way, assholes.

586
00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:35,997
What's that guy's problem?

587
00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:38,389
That's Rock. He's fucking crazy.

588
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:39,993
- He plays dirty.
Out of my way, you fucking idiot.

589
00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:42,514
Last year, he bit a chunk out of my thigh.

590
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:43,953
Jesus!

591
00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:46,636
Hey, his girlfriend's pretty hot.

592
00:36:47,720 --> 00:36:51,349
Yeah. And what's with that regular-size guy?

593
00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:55,998
Oh, it's Rock's cousin.
They had to let him in. Legacy.

594
00:36:57,840 --> 00:37:00,513
What a douchebag.

595
00:37:01,240 --> 00:37:02,355
Can he play?

596
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:05,833
No, he sucks.

597
00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:18,075
Hey, keep your head up.

598
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:20,594
Whatever, they're midgets.
How bad can it be?

599
00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:35,035
Holy shit!

600
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:46,554
Keep your head up, bitch.

601
00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:55,349
I told you, man.
Don't underestimate these little bastards.

602
00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:58,228
Down!

603
00:37:58,320 --> 00:37:59,639
Set!

604
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:01,149
Hut!

605
00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:21,714
Yeah!

606
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:02,878
- Beta!
- Come on!

607
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:05,076
Let's go, fellas. Get on the line.

608
00:39:05,720 --> 00:39:07,392
Down!

609
00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:09,473
How you feeling, Stifler?

610
00:39:09,560 --> 00:39:12,074
I'm 6'1", Frodo. How about you?

611
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:16,989
Hut!

612
00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:22,911
The little fucker's biting me again.

613
00:39:29,760 --> 00:39:31,193
Not in my eye!

614
00:39:39,320 --> 00:39:41,959
Funny, you don't look 6'1" from here,
shit stain.

615
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:11,549
God,

616
00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:14,396
I hate that fucking guy.

617
00:40:14,480 --> 00:40:16,118
I'm getting killed out there.

618
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:17,394
I can't get loose.

619
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:20,472
They're so fast and small.
I don't know what to do.

620
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:22,630
Quit crying, you bunch
of bra-wearing pussies.

621
00:40:22,720 --> 00:40:26,269
I just got a hunk taken out of my leg.
You don't hear me crying.

622
00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:28,032
All right, then, let's put
our balls on the table.

623
00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:32,113
Let's go out there and show these little sons
of bitches what being a Beta's all about.

624
00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:33,952
- You understand what I'm saying, fellas?
- Yeah, yeah.

625
00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:35,758
All right, Beta on three.

626
00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:37,998
- One, two, three, Beta!
Beta!

627
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:40,349
- Down!
- Set!

628
00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:42,189
Hut!

629
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:48,469
Go!

630
00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:53,349
Go!

631
00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:39,039
Yeah, yeah. Let's go, boys.

632
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:42,391
All right, we got five seconds left, guys.

633
00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:45,438
If you're about to get
tackled, lateral it to the nearest guy.

634
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:47,351
It's our only chance.

635
00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:50,034
All right, let's go now.
Come on, Beta on three.

636
00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:51,109
- Beta on three.
- Who's with me?

637
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:53,589
- One, two, three, Beta!
Beta!

638
00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:02,959
Down!

639
00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:08,270
Set!

640
00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:22,389
Hut!

641
00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:27,553
We kicked your ass!

642
00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:31,960
You're still my bitch, Stifler.

643
00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:46,315
I can't believe we lost to midgets.

644
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:49,673
Don't let those Oompa Loompa
bastards get to you.

645
00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:53,919
Right now, we have more important matters
to tend to, gentlemen.

646
00:43:54,360 --> 00:43:56,476
From what I understand,

647
00:43:56,560 --> 00:43:59,677
my cousin has a guilt-free pass

648
00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:02,957
to bang all the girls he can find.

649
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:04,759
That I do.

650
00:44:04,840 --> 00:44:07,559
Oh, that is good news.

651
00:44:08,720 --> 00:44:11,234
Christ, for a while
I was starting to think you were adopted.

652
00:44:21,480 --> 00:44:22,754
Gentlemen,

653
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:27,829
welcome to paradise.

654
00:44:35,320 --> 00:44:36,799
Boys and girls,

655
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:39,474
we have a celebrity in our midst.

656
00:44:39,560 --> 00:44:43,189
The Heavyweight Drinking Champion
of the World,

657
00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:47,068
Dwight "Iron Liver" Stifler!

658
00:44:56,760 --> 00:44:59,832
All right, you pussy-wipes,
I'm gonna go find some lady friends.

659
00:44:59,920 --> 00:45:02,992
Try not to blow your wad
in the first minute, huh?

660
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:08,636
There is no way Allison's
party was better than Jimmy's.

661
00:45:08,720 --> 00:45:10,676
You're nuts. Jimmy's party had two kegs

662
00:45:10,760 --> 00:45:13,957
and those two theater chicks
went down on each other on the pool table

663
00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:15,598
in front of everybody.

664
00:45:15,680 --> 00:45:17,033
What the hell are you two talking about?

665
00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:18,155
What?

666
00:45:18,240 --> 00:45:21,198
Two kegs, theater chicks. Well, guess what?

667
00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:24,033
We're in a college bar
full of unlimited booze and pussy,

668
00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:27,430
and we're sitting
at the bar talking about high-school parties.

669
00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:37,556
Ryan? Ryan! What's your problem?

670
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:39,312
That Great Falls attitude.

671
00:45:39,400 --> 00:45:41,470
All you guys do is talk about Great Falls

672
00:45:41,560 --> 00:45:43,471
like it's the end-all and be-all of existence.

673
00:45:43,560 --> 00:45:46,996
The place is a fucking trap,
which is why I'm going to California.

674
00:45:47,080 --> 00:45:48,479
I'm not gonna get stuck like the rest of them.

675
00:45:48,560 --> 00:45:49,879
Yeah, I know. I think that's great.

676
00:45:49,960 --> 00:45:53,475
Yeah, but don't you see?
That's what this weekend is about for me.

677
00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:55,552
- What do you mean?
- To see if I can do it.

678
00:45:55,640 --> 00:45:59,030
If I can start over
and accept being low man on the totem pole.

679
00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:00,519
Ryan, it's just a weekend, man.

680
00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:03,319
Maybe to you, but to me
it's a lot more than that.

681
00:46:05,920 --> 00:46:07,353
Man, I sound like a chick.

682
00:46:07,440 --> 00:46:08,429
Mmm-hmm.

683
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:09,919
I really need to go get some pussy.

684
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:11,035
Yeah.

685
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:15,035
Oh, shit.

686
00:46:15,120 --> 00:46:16,838
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

687
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:20,555
- No, no, no, no. It's fine.
- I can't believe I did that.

688
00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:21,993
Here, come with me.

689
00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:25,669
Quick, take off your shirt.

690
00:46:25,760 --> 00:46:26,875
Excuse me?

691
00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:29,315
- Well, I just... I wanna get the stain out.
- Oh, yeah, right.

692
00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:30,799
I knew that.

693
00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:35,354
Are we allowed to be back here?

694
00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:37,192
Oh, yeah, don't worry. I used to bartend here.

695
00:46:37,280 --> 00:46:38,474
Cool.

696
00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:41,878
Look, I'm really,
really sorry about this. Right.

697
00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:45,952
Accidents happen.

698
00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:48,556
- I'm Brandy, by the way.
- I'm Erik.

699
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:51,279
You know, any other
frat asshole would bite my head off right now

700
00:46:51,360 --> 00:46:52,588
if I spilled a drink on him.

701
00:46:52,680 --> 00:46:53,669
I'm...

702
00:46:55,560 --> 00:46:56,959
I'm not in a fraternity.

703
00:46:57,040 --> 00:46:59,031
Oh, you're not? So you're independent?

704
00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:00,155
What's that?

705
00:47:00,240 --> 00:47:02,071
You know, a student who's not Greek.

706
00:47:02,640 --> 00:47:06,030
No, I'm just visiting for the weekend.
I'm a senior in high school.

707
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:07,189
High school?

708
00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:08,474
Yeah.

709
00:47:11,360 --> 00:47:14,352
Really? Most girls slap me
or kick me in the balls when I say that.

710
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:16,271
Why? It's hysterical.

711
00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:18,635
That's what I say. What are your names?

712
00:47:18,720 --> 00:47:20,472
I'm Jill and this is Alexis.

713
00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:23,120
Hey, this is my buddy Ryan.

714
00:47:23,200 --> 00:47:24,599
- Hey, Ryan.
- Hey, Ryan.

715
00:47:24,680 --> 00:47:25,999
Hey, ladies.

716
00:47:26,640 --> 00:47:29,632
Amnesty International.
Is that some kind of rock band?

717
00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:34,110
It's an organization that works to protect
human rights all over the world.

718
00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:35,235
Oh, yeah.

719
00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:37,436
Hey, get away
from our dates.

720
00:47:38,240 --> 00:47:39,992
Down here, asshole.

721
00:47:40,480 --> 00:47:41,708
What the hell do you want?

722
00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:42,835
Just what he said.

723
00:47:42,920 --> 00:47:45,115
For you two to get away from our dates.

724
00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:47,077
In your dreams, Willow.

725
00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:50,038
There is no way these girls are here with you.

726
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:53,194
Are you?

727
00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:57,192
- But why?
- They're cool.

728
00:47:57,280 --> 00:47:58,395
And sexy.

729
00:47:59,080 --> 00:48:00,991
You gotta be fucking kidding me.

730
00:48:02,160 --> 00:48:04,071
Ain't nobody kidding around here, punk.

731
00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:06,276
If you got a problem,
we could settle this right here.

732
00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:07,873
Oh, I would love to.

733
00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:09,757
Okay, stop it, you guys.

734
00:48:10,560 --> 00:48:14,792
Listen, it was really nice meeting you two,
but we're spoken for tonight.

735
00:48:15,640 --> 00:48:17,631
Come on, baby, let's dance.

736
00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:30,111
That did not just happen.

737
00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:38,593
Time for a Stifler blowjob!

738
00:48:41,280 --> 00:48:45,990
Oh, get sexy, ladies, I love it.
Oh, I feel a stirring in my loins.

739
00:48:51,080 --> 00:48:52,718
You've gotta meet my roommate.

740
00:48:54,480 --> 00:48:56,675
I would love to.

741
00:48:57,120 --> 00:48:59,793
Dude, the fucking midgets
just stole our women.

742
00:48:59,880 --> 00:49:01,199
Yeah, those fuckers are
out of hand.

743
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:05,831
I told you guys,
don't underestimate those little bastards.

744
00:49:06,600 --> 00:49:09,876
That midget quarterback
stole my girlfriend last year.

745
00:49:12,080 --> 00:49:13,115
Slut!

746
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:15,031
Out of my goddamn way.

747
00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:18,559
Holy shit!

748
00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:22,796
I thought this place had a no-loser policy.
What are you assholes doing here?

749
00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:24,233
Fuck off, Mighty Mouse.

750
00:49:24,320 --> 00:49:27,869
Man, don't take it out on me
because your ladies like it short and thick,

751
00:49:27,960 --> 00:49:29,996
rather than tall and skinny.

752
00:49:33,040 --> 00:49:36,669
Rock, don't you know, baby?
This bar is like a roller coaster.

753
00:49:36,800 --> 00:49:38,313
Yeah, it has a height requirement,

754
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:42,359
- and I'm afraid you just don't measure up!
- Motherfucker.

755
00:49:43,920 --> 00:49:46,354
- Easy! Easy! Easy!
- Whoa!

756
00:49:46,440 --> 00:49:47,668
This isn't over, Shitler.

757
00:49:47,760 --> 00:49:49,557
Oh, you got that right!

758
00:49:51,240 --> 00:49:53,913
Never get in my way, woman.

759
00:50:01,840 --> 00:50:03,159
What's up?

760
00:50:08,080 --> 00:50:09,195
Bitch.

761
00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:12,875
That did not happen.

762
00:50:12,960 --> 00:50:16,032
I swear to God, I was running
through the streets with nylons on my head

763
00:50:16,120 --> 00:50:18,031
and the condom still on.

764
00:50:18,360 --> 00:50:19,998
I can't believe I just told you that story.

765
00:50:20,080 --> 00:50:21,399
I think it's great.

766
00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:24,950
I mean, think of it this way,
you'll never forget your first time.

767
00:50:25,040 --> 00:50:26,598
Well, it wasn't...

768
00:50:26,880 --> 00:50:27,949
Technically...

769
00:50:28,040 --> 00:50:29,473
Oh, no, wait.

770
00:50:29,560 --> 00:50:32,916
- You mean you didn't even get to...
- He came down too fast.

771
00:50:33,480 --> 00:50:36,631
Thank you.
Thank you for laughing at my misfortune.

772
00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:41,195
I think you're a sweetheart.
And you're really cute.

773
00:50:42,320 --> 00:50:43,639
This is me.

774
00:50:45,080 --> 00:50:46,911
So, are you guys
running the Mile tomorrow?

775
00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:50,390
I don't know. There's something about
running naked down the street

776
00:50:50,480 --> 00:50:52,357
while you're still a virgin...

777
00:50:52,440 --> 00:50:53,839
Didn't stop you before.

778
00:50:53,920 --> 00:50:55,319
Touch�.

779
00:50:55,640 --> 00:50:58,234
You never know, that virgin thing,

780
00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:01,912
it could totally change
by the end of the weekend.

781
00:51:04,320 --> 00:51:05,878
Thanks for walking me home.

782
00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:30,119
What the hell happened to you last night?

783
00:51:31,240 --> 00:51:32,355
What's up, fellas?

784
00:51:32,440 --> 00:51:33,589
What's up?

785
00:51:33,680 --> 00:51:37,116
What's up is we got
cock-blocked by some midgets at the bar.

786
00:51:37,200 --> 00:51:40,158
Cooze, never mind that.
Where the hell were you?

787
00:51:40,400 --> 00:51:44,757
Well, Mother,
if you must know, I was with a girl.

788
00:51:48,360 --> 00:51:49,998
Bullshit. What girl?

789
00:51:50,080 --> 00:51:52,548
Her name is Brandy.
She's in a sorority and she's hot,

790
00:51:52,640 --> 00:51:54,949
and I'm supposed to meet her
at the Mile tonight.

791
00:51:55,640 --> 00:51:57,358
Dude, I don't get it.

792
00:51:57,520 --> 00:52:01,638
We come to college,
we get blown off by chicks for midgets,

793
00:52:01,720 --> 00:52:04,473
and you're hanging out with a sorority girl?

794
00:52:04,560 --> 00:52:06,869
What the fuck is going on here?

795
00:52:07,240 --> 00:52:09,515
So, what are you gonna do?

796
00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:13,273
What do you mean?
He's gonna bang that chick.

797
00:52:14,880 --> 00:52:16,108
Aren't you?

798
00:52:16,200 --> 00:52:17,428
What?

799
00:52:19,800 --> 00:52:20,869
Yeah.

800
00:52:21,120 --> 00:52:24,669
Yeah, of course I will.
I'm on a guilt-free pass, why wouldn't I?

801
00:52:24,760 --> 00:52:26,637
Why the hesitation, man?

802
00:52:27,600 --> 00:52:30,558
- Oh, shit! You're not gonna do it.
- I said I'll do it.

803
00:52:30,640 --> 00:52:34,189
Erik, you've been given a gift from above.
Don't fuck it up.

804
00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:35,389
I won't.

805
00:52:35,480 --> 00:52:36,549
Yes, you will.

806
00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:37,629
No.

807
00:52:38,320 --> 00:52:40,470
I... I gotta get out of here.

808
00:53:00,960 --> 00:53:02,029
Hello?

809
00:53:02,120 --> 00:53:03,678
<i>Hey, it's me.</i>

810
00:53:05,640 --> 00:53:07,392
Calling to see how you're doing.

811
00:53:07,480 --> 00:53:08,674
I'm fine,

812
00:53:08,760 --> 00:53:10,796
- I'm just studying.
- <i>Okay.</i>

813
00:53:12,440 --> 00:53:13,429
Cool.

814
00:53:13,520 --> 00:53:16,671
So, did you guys decide
if you're gonna run in the Naked Mile?

815
00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:20,716
No, not yet.
But you know me, I'll probably just wimp out.

816
00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:22,513
I mean, you don't have to.

817
00:53:23,280 --> 00:53:24,554
Yeah, I know.

818
00:53:25,240 --> 00:53:27,595
Are you okay?
I mean, you sound a little weird.

819
00:53:28,120 --> 00:53:29,348
I'm fine.

820
00:53:30,400 --> 00:53:32,789
I'm fine. I just wanted to call and say hello.

821
00:53:32,880 --> 00:53:37,351
Thanks, but you don't need to check in.
I mean, go, have fun.

822
00:53:37,440 --> 00:53:39,715
That's what this weekend's all about.

823
00:53:41,040 --> 00:53:42,234
You're the greatest.

824
00:53:53,800 --> 00:53:55,153
Erik Stifler.

825
00:53:58,560 --> 00:54:00,869
- Hey, Mr. Levenstein.
- Hello, Erik, good to see you.

826
00:54:00,960 --> 00:54:04,430
Yeah. Wow, I haven't seen you
since my parents' New Year's party, right?

827
00:54:04,520 --> 00:54:08,149
Yes, well, your folks really,
really know how to ring in the new year.

828
00:54:08,240 --> 00:54:11,949
Look, I'm sorry about my dad
giving you that wedgie in front of everybody.

829
00:54:12,040 --> 00:54:15,191
Well, your dad's been doing
that to me since we were kids,

830
00:54:15,280 --> 00:54:17,635
and strangely enough, I enjoy it.

831
00:54:20,760 --> 00:54:23,035
So, what are you doing up here?

832
00:54:24,120 --> 00:54:26,680
Oh, well, I went to school here

833
00:54:26,760 --> 00:54:30,389
and, you know, I like to come
back every now and then

834
00:54:30,840 --> 00:54:32,239
and check out the campus.

835
00:54:32,320 --> 00:54:36,359
That's the only reason I'm here.
No other reason that I can think of.

836
00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:39,113
And what about you?
What are you doing here?

837
00:54:39,600 --> 00:54:41,591
Actually, it's kind of personal.

838
00:54:41,680 --> 00:54:43,910
- Oh. Well, say no more.
- Okay.

839
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:45,115
Okay, listen, good seeing you.

840
00:54:45,200 --> 00:54:46,872
Yeah, for sure.

841
00:54:52,440 --> 00:54:54,590
Mr. Levenstein, you were a counselor

842
00:54:54,680 --> 00:54:56,796
at Tall Oaks Band Camp
with my cousin, Matt, right?

843
00:54:56,880 --> 00:55:00,190
Yes. Yes, I was. And your cousin Matt
needed some counseling...

844
00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:03,909
- Yeah.
...I might add. I gave him some advice.

845
00:55:04,000 --> 00:55:06,833
Advice. Do you think I could

846
00:55:09,240 --> 00:55:11,151
confide something in you?

847
00:55:11,440 --> 00:55:14,159
Well, sure. Yes, Erik, anything. Anything.

848
00:55:14,240 --> 00:55:15,355
Okay.

849
00:55:16,200 --> 00:55:17,189
I'm a virgin.

850
00:55:17,280 --> 00:55:18,554
Okay, can I stop you there?

851
00:55:18,640 --> 00:55:21,677
You're a Stifler and a virgin?

852
00:55:23,160 --> 00:55:24,229
Yeah.

853
00:55:26,120 --> 00:55:29,430
Well, so you're a virgin. What's the big deal?

854
00:55:30,160 --> 00:55:34,517
Well, the other night, my girlfriend and I...
We tried to, you know...

855
00:55:36,560 --> 00:55:39,916
Right. But her father
came down before we had the chance to.

856
00:55:40,000 --> 00:55:42,230
So she changed her mind
completely about the sex,

857
00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:45,278
but she gave me a guilt-free
pass for the weekend.

858
00:55:45,360 --> 00:55:47,590
You got the guilt-free pass?

859
00:55:49,160 --> 00:55:50,718
What do you mean?

860
00:55:50,960 --> 00:55:55,715
Well, I mean,
you've got the old guilt-free pass dilemma.

861
00:55:55,920 --> 00:55:57,512
- Yeah.
- It's a tough one.

862
00:55:57,600 --> 00:55:59,716
I didn't think people your age
knew about that kind of stuff.

863
00:55:59,800 --> 00:56:02,758
I believe I know more
about this than you think.

864
00:56:04,280 --> 00:56:06,953
Good, because I just
don't know what to do here.

865
00:56:07,040 --> 00:56:10,555
I mean, I've got
this smoking-hot sorority girl all over me.

866
00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:14,637
Well, you know, my son Jim

867
00:56:14,720 --> 00:56:16,836
went through kind of a similar dilemma.

868
00:56:16,920 --> 00:56:18,717
He was going out with this very attractive

869
00:56:18,800 --> 00:56:20,677
foreign-exchange student named Nadia.

870
00:56:20,760 --> 00:56:24,036
Right, right, yeah. That's the one he blew his
load too early with, right?

871
00:56:24,120 --> 00:56:25,189
- Yes.
- Twice.

872
00:56:25,280 --> 00:56:26,554
- Yes.
- Over the Internet.

873
00:56:26,640 --> 00:56:28,232
- Yes, that's the one.
- Yeah.

874
00:56:28,320 --> 00:56:31,517
Well, blowing loads aside...

875
00:56:31,600 --> 00:56:32,635
Yeah.

876
00:56:32,720 --> 00:56:34,950
The next summer Nadia came
to visit Jim at the beach,

877
00:56:35,040 --> 00:56:36,439
and he turned her down

878
00:56:36,520 --> 00:56:39,751
because he had fallen in love with Michelle,

879
00:56:40,560 --> 00:56:44,394
who he later married,
and is now the mother of my grandchild.

880
00:56:45,640 --> 00:56:49,269
So you're saying
I shouldn't hook up with this sorority girl?

881
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:52,637
I'm saying I think
only you know the answer to that, Erik.

882
00:56:55,120 --> 00:56:56,633
Well, gotta run.

883
00:56:59,560 --> 00:57:03,075
Oh, Erik, I was sorry to hear
about your grandmother.

884
00:57:21,400 --> 00:57:23,231
Last night was amazing.

885
00:57:23,760 --> 00:57:25,716
Yeah, it was.

886
00:57:25,800 --> 00:57:28,598
The three of us should
do it again sometime.

887
00:57:28,960 --> 00:57:30,279
Definitely.

888
00:57:32,480 --> 00:57:33,799
Definitely.

889
00:57:40,760 --> 00:57:44,275
Hey, buddy.
You know how to get to Murray Street?

890
00:57:44,360 --> 00:57:47,670
Oh, yeah, man.
Just go right down Maryland, down to...

891
00:57:48,320 --> 00:57:49,673
What the...

892
00:57:51,560 --> 00:57:52,959
What is this? <i>Enter the Midget?</i>

893
00:57:53,040 --> 00:57:55,600
It's little people, asshole.

894
00:57:57,160 --> 00:57:58,798
Come get some.

895
00:57:59,800 --> 00:58:01,995
Come get some, baby!

896
00:58:11,880 --> 00:58:13,677
Midgets jumped Stifler.

897
00:58:13,760 --> 00:58:14,954
- What?
- What?

898
00:58:15,920 --> 00:58:17,990
The midgets jumped Stifler.

899
00:58:18,440 --> 00:58:20,112
He's in the hospital right now.

900
00:58:24,840 --> 00:58:26,114
Oh, shit.

901
00:58:26,200 --> 00:58:27,872
Holy shit.

902
00:58:28,840 --> 00:58:30,637
Man, he is fucked up.

903
00:58:31,560 --> 00:58:32,959
First Grandma, and now this.

904
00:58:33,040 --> 00:58:34,359
All right, we gotta get
those fucking midgets.

905
00:58:34,440 --> 00:58:35,475
Yeah, man.

906
00:58:35,560 --> 00:58:38,916
Jesus, Ryan, keep it down, will you?
I got a huge fucking headache.

907
00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:41,036
We thought this guy was you.

908
00:58:42,080 --> 00:58:43,274
Fuck, no.

909
00:58:44,160 --> 00:58:45,354
I don't know what happened to that pussy.

910
00:58:46,280 --> 00:58:48,157
Hey, man, what the hell happened?

911
00:58:48,240 --> 00:58:51,835
Rock and his boys jumped me,
wearing all black and ski masks.

912
00:58:51,920 --> 00:58:53,273
Like I wouldn't know it was them.

913
00:58:53,360 --> 00:58:56,511
Are you all right?
Are you gonna be able to run in the Mile?

914
00:58:56,600 --> 00:58:57,828
Doesn't look like it.

915
00:58:58,440 --> 00:59:01,796
Doc says the Stif-man's gonna be laid up
for at least a couple of more days.

916
00:59:01,880 --> 00:59:04,030
Hey, don't worry.
We will find those little fuckers.

917
00:59:04,120 --> 00:59:08,796
No. I appreciate it, okay?
Stifler'll think of something.

918
00:59:09,400 --> 00:59:12,790
Now you guys are up here
to do two things: Have fun,

919
00:59:12,880 --> 00:59:14,836
and run naked

920
00:59:14,920 --> 00:59:18,708
with hundreds of hot,
big-breasted, horny women.

921
00:59:18,800 --> 00:59:19,949
You understand?

922
00:59:20,040 --> 00:59:21,109
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

923
00:59:21,200 --> 00:59:24,749
Good. Now get the fuck
out of here so I can get some sleep.

924
00:59:29,640 --> 00:59:32,029
Hey, Erik, stick around for a second.

925
00:59:32,120 --> 00:59:33,109
Yeah.

926
00:59:34,240 --> 00:59:36,356
Listen, I know what you're going through.

927
00:59:36,960 --> 00:59:39,793
- You do?
- Sure, yeah. I had the same problem

928
00:59:40,040 --> 00:59:42,076
when I was in middle school.

929
00:59:42,520 --> 00:59:45,717
But living up to
the family name is not an easy thing, man.

930
00:59:45,800 --> 00:59:48,268
Yeah. What did you do?

931
00:59:50,320 --> 00:59:53,949
Well, I whipped out
my dick in class, stole the principal's car,

932
00:59:54,040 --> 00:59:55,553
and then I fucked a lunch lady.

933
00:59:56,160 --> 00:59:57,149
Oh.

934
00:59:57,600 --> 00:59:59,033
But, hey, that's me.

935
00:59:59,880 --> 01:00:01,791
What do you think I should do?

936
01:00:01,880 --> 01:00:06,271
It's not for me to decide or advise.
You gotta figure that out on your own.

937
01:00:06,480 --> 01:00:09,995
But I will say this.
We got a pretty fucked-up family,

938
01:00:10,680 --> 01:00:13,114
and it's nice having a guy like you around.

939
01:00:16,440 --> 01:00:18,032
Now, seriously, go.

940
01:00:28,800 --> 01:00:30,631
All I have to say is,

941
01:00:30,720 --> 01:00:33,951
thank you, Dad,
for getting my dumb ass into this school.

942
01:00:39,600 --> 01:00:43,036
Gentlemen, we have officially
arrived at our destination.

943
01:00:52,840 --> 01:00:55,070
Look who decided to show up.

944
01:00:55,160 --> 01:00:57,196
I didn't think you guys
would have the balls for this.

945
01:00:57,280 --> 01:00:58,395
I guess I was right.

946
01:00:58,640 --> 01:01:01,871
Check it out. They still got their clothes on.

947
01:01:04,840 --> 01:01:09,595
Where is old Shitler? I guess the king of
the Naked Mile didn't make it this year.

948
01:01:10,600 --> 01:01:13,797
Nobody starts this fucking
Naked Mile without me!

949
01:01:25,480 --> 01:01:29,359
The king has arrived! Bring out your titties!

950
01:01:32,320 --> 01:01:36,074
You really think that little beating
you gave me could keep me away?

951
01:01:36,160 --> 01:01:39,072
You and the Lollypop Guild
punch like a bunch of five-year-olds.

952
01:01:39,160 --> 01:01:41,799
This is my fucking school.

953
01:01:44,960 --> 01:01:46,075
Guys.

954
01:01:47,120 --> 01:01:50,078
Right, screw those guys.
We're here to have fun, right?

955
01:01:50,160 --> 01:01:52,469
Oh, fucking-A-right,
we're here to have some fun.

956
01:01:53,720 --> 01:01:57,156
Hey, why the hell
do you guys still have your clothes on?

957
01:01:57,880 --> 01:01:59,598
Listen, Stifler, we were talking and...

958
01:01:59,680 --> 01:02:01,716
Hey, Stifler. I like your IVs.

959
01:02:03,400 --> 01:02:04,833
Hello, ladies.

960
01:02:06,000 --> 01:02:08,150
Looking sexy as always.

961
01:02:08,240 --> 01:02:09,798
Heard you were in the hospital.

962
01:02:10,320 --> 01:02:12,675
Just a little beating by a bunch of midgets.

963
01:02:12,760 --> 01:02:14,113
Hey, Cooze.

964
01:02:14,200 --> 01:02:17,795
Jill the Thrill. Back on the Cooze radar.

965
01:02:22,320 --> 01:02:23,389
Hey, Erik.

966
01:02:24,080 --> 01:02:25,069
Hey, Brandy.

967
01:02:25,360 --> 01:02:26,998
- Ryan.
- Alexis.

968
01:02:27,080 --> 01:02:29,230
So, you ladies ready to run this Mile

969
01:02:29,320 --> 01:02:32,357
and get extra fucking sexy?

970
01:02:32,520 --> 01:02:33,555
- Hell, yeah!
- Hell, yeah!

971
01:02:33,680 --> 01:02:35,159
What about you guys?

972
01:02:35,240 --> 01:02:37,071
Yeah, what are you guys doing still dressed?

973
01:02:37,360 --> 01:02:39,430
Well, we figured we'd just watch the Mile

974
01:02:39,520 --> 01:02:41,078
and then meet you guys
at the party afterwards.

975
01:02:41,160 --> 01:02:44,630
That's too bad 'cause this
Naked Mile is gonna be crazy.

976
01:02:44,760 --> 01:02:47,194
Really crazy. Right, Brandy?

977
01:02:47,280 --> 01:02:48,713
Absolutely out of control.

978
01:03:05,080 --> 01:03:07,913
Yeah! That's what
I'm fucking talking about, boys.

979
01:03:08,000 --> 01:03:11,151
Set the cocks free!

980
01:03:11,240 --> 01:03:13,470
Let's huddle up over here. Come on, fellas.

981
01:03:14,680 --> 01:03:15,715
Cock huddle.

982
01:03:15,920 --> 01:03:17,194
All right, bitch tits.

983
01:03:17,800 --> 01:03:19,870
I got a little surprise for you fuckers.

984
01:03:19,960 --> 01:03:20,949
What do you got?

985
01:03:22,120 --> 01:03:25,192
Just a little pharmaceutical delight for later.

986
01:03:26,240 --> 01:03:28,708
Stifler! You uncircumcised twat!

987
01:03:28,800 --> 01:03:31,109
Jackson, you little-dicked motherfucker.

988
01:03:31,200 --> 01:03:32,235
What is this?

989
01:03:32,320 --> 01:03:33,639
It looks like some kind of E.

990
01:03:33,720 --> 01:03:35,870
- Should we take it now?
- He said save it for later.

991
01:03:35,960 --> 01:03:38,190
Fuck that!
I'm about to run naked through the streets.

992
01:03:38,400 --> 01:03:40,277
I need all the drug-induced courage
I can get.

993
01:03:43,080 --> 01:03:44,752
I'm so glad you guys decided to run.

994
01:03:44,840 --> 01:03:46,512
You must work out.

995
01:03:46,600 --> 01:03:48,636
Yeah, well, I play football.

996
01:03:48,720 --> 01:03:50,711
I love football players.

997
01:03:50,880 --> 01:03:52,791
Did anybody ever tell you
that you have a nice ass?

998
01:03:53,760 --> 01:03:54,749
That guy's a prick!

999
01:03:55,200 --> 01:03:57,509
Hey, Stifler, is this supposed
to be some pretty good E?

1000
01:03:57,920 --> 01:03:58,955
What E?

1001
01:03:59,440 --> 01:04:01,112
The pills you gave us.

1002
01:04:02,040 --> 01:04:03,473
Oh, shit! You retards.

1003
01:04:03,680 --> 01:04:06,717
That's not E.
It's that fucking four-hour hard-on drug.

1004
01:04:06,840 --> 01:04:08,671
- Oh, shit.
I scored some at the hospital.

1005
01:04:08,760 --> 01:04:11,115
I thought you limp-dicked
bitches could use some.

1006
01:04:11,440 --> 01:04:13,271
- Oh, God.
- Holy fuck, you didn't...

1007
01:04:13,360 --> 01:04:14,839
Holy shit!

1008
01:04:15,200 --> 01:04:19,239
I don't think I can talk this one down, man.
It's got a mind of its own.

1009
01:04:19,400 --> 01:04:21,868
Hey, do not run behind me. Okay?

1010
01:04:22,520 --> 01:04:24,988
It's... It's just that we thought that it was...

1011
01:04:25,080 --> 01:04:27,275
Honey, don't apologize.

1012
01:04:27,360 --> 01:04:29,351
Yeah, you guys are running with us.

1013
01:04:29,440 --> 01:04:33,399
Oh, man!
This is going to be the best Naked Mile ever!

1014
01:04:33,680 --> 01:04:34,874
Good evening...

1015
01:04:38,760 --> 01:04:39,795
Who is that guy?

1016
01:04:39,880 --> 01:04:43,475
That is big, bad Noah Levenstein.

1017
01:04:44,400 --> 01:04:48,313
The craziest bastard
this campus has ever known.

1018
01:04:48,400 --> 01:04:49,958
<i>My bad. My bad. Welcome to the Naked Mile.</i>

1019
01:04:55,440 --> 01:04:57,954
<i>Yes, you know, when I started this race</i>
<i>many, many...</i>

1020
01:04:58,040 --> 01:04:59,951
Christ, he started this whole
thing back in the '60s.

1021
01:05:00,040 --> 01:05:03,077
<i>...many years ago.</i>
<i>It was just... Just a passive protest.</i>

1022
01:05:03,320 --> 01:05:07,279
<i>Just a way to "stick it</i>
<i>to the man," so to speak.</i>

1023
01:05:08,600 --> 01:05:10,318
<i>Right on. Right on.</i>

1024
01:05:10,840 --> 01:05:14,594
<i>But over the years,</i>
<i>it's become somewhat less political.</i>

1025
01:05:14,760 --> 01:05:17,911
<i>And now, it's just</i>

1026
01:05:18,000 --> 01:05:20,560
<i>some sort of Roman orgy,</i>

1027
01:05:20,800 --> 01:05:23,473
<i>which I'm down with, by the way.</i>

1028
01:05:23,880 --> 01:05:25,996
<i>But let's keep one thing in mind.</i>

1029
01:05:26,280 --> 01:05:30,512
<i>This is about</i>
<i>showing the world your youthful exuberance,</i>

1030
01:05:30,760 --> 01:05:34,036
<i>and your unabashed commitment</i>
<i>to higher learning,</i>

1031
01:05:34,120 --> 01:05:36,475
<i>and having fun while you're doing it,</i>

1032
01:05:36,560 --> 01:05:40,394
<i>which is where the naked part comes in.</i>

1033
01:05:40,480 --> 01:05:42,038
Yeah!

1034
01:05:45,840 --> 01:05:48,752
<i>And being completely naked is, of course,</i>

1035
01:05:48,840 --> 01:05:50,796
<i>a perfectly natural thing.</i>

1036
01:05:50,960 --> 01:05:54,509
<i>There's not one part of one's body</i>

1037
01:05:54,600 --> 01:05:56,716
<i>one should be ashamed of,</i>

1038
01:05:56,800 --> 01:06:01,237
<i>be it one's pubic region</i>

1039
01:06:01,400 --> 01:06:03,595
<i>or one's breasts,</i>

1040
01:06:03,920 --> 01:06:05,990
<i>as in the case with you young ladies...</i>

1041
01:06:10,400 --> 01:06:13,676
<i>...and a couple of you young men.</i>

1042
01:06:16,080 --> 01:06:19,231
<i>But you should all just revel</i>
<i>in the glory of being seen</i>

1043
01:06:19,440 --> 01:06:21,476
<i>as the people you are.</i>

1044
01:06:21,680 --> 01:06:23,159
<i>Incidentally, if anyone has anything...</i>

1045
01:06:23,240 --> 01:06:25,151
Come on, let's fucking do this!

1046
01:06:28,440 --> 01:06:30,112
<i>I second that motion, young man.</i>

1047
01:06:30,400 --> 01:06:32,834
<i>Okay, everybody ready.</i>

1048
01:06:34,880 --> 01:06:36,472
<i>Get set...</i>

1049
01:07:05,000 --> 01:07:06,274
Still going?

1050
01:07:06,360 --> 01:07:08,157
You know it, baby. Hell, yeah!

1051
01:07:09,160 --> 01:07:10,957
You love the Boss Hogg!

1052
01:07:27,280 --> 01:07:30,636
All right, yeah. Look at this.
Look at all these teats.

1053
01:07:30,720 --> 01:07:34,918
I'm adrift in a sea of boobies,
and my balls are scraping the pavement.

1054
01:07:35,000 --> 01:07:36,035
Oh, heads up.

1055
01:07:39,720 --> 01:07:41,517
Look, its the boner guys.

1056
01:07:42,720 --> 01:07:44,312
Nice cocks.

1057
01:07:44,400 --> 01:07:46,277
Oh, you got that right, sexy.

1058
01:07:46,360 --> 01:07:48,351
Dude, you have serious issues.

1059
01:08:29,640 --> 01:08:31,756
Hey, naked people only!

1060
01:09:04,520 --> 01:09:06,112
Are you all right?

1061
01:09:06,200 --> 01:09:07,599
I'm fine.

1062
01:09:07,840 --> 01:09:09,796
Come on, sweetie. Let's finish this thing.

1063
01:09:19,040 --> 01:09:22,316
I'm standing at the finish
line of a very proud, but strange tradition

1064
01:09:22,400 --> 01:09:23,549
called the Naked Mile.

1065
01:09:23,640 --> 01:09:24,959
Ever year after exams

1066
01:09:25,040 --> 01:09:27,315
hundreds of students
run a mile through campus

1067
01:09:27,400 --> 01:09:29,356
in nothing more than their birthday suits.

1068
01:09:33,440 --> 01:09:36,398
This is the greatest thing ever!

1069
01:09:36,480 --> 01:09:38,436
Hell, yeah!

1070
01:09:38,520 --> 01:09:40,556
I can't believe we did this!

1071
01:09:40,800 --> 01:09:43,917
Yeah! Naked Mile, baby!

1072
01:09:44,360 --> 01:09:46,430
Beta House fucking rules!

1073
01:09:53,040 --> 01:09:56,919
Come on, marathon men.
Let's get ready for the party.

1074
01:09:58,320 --> 01:10:00,231
I did it. I really did it.

1075
01:10:01,880 --> 01:10:04,713
Way to go, Coz. That's my cousin.

1076
01:10:06,080 --> 01:10:08,275
Yeah, buddy!

1077
01:10:08,560 --> 01:10:10,471
Some people call it lewd behavior,

1078
01:10:10,640 --> 01:10:13,393
but the students say it's just
a good way to blow off steam.

1079
01:10:13,680 --> 01:10:14,749
And maybe,

1080
01:10:18,720 --> 01:10:19,948
<i>find love.</i>

1081
01:10:20,320 --> 01:10:22,754
<i>This is Hal Michaels,</i>
<i>reporting from the Naked Mile.</i>

1082
01:10:57,680 --> 01:11:00,399
Stifler has arrived!

1083
01:11:09,040 --> 01:11:10,678
Yeah! Yeah!

1084
01:11:11,920 --> 01:11:14,673
Holy shit! Is this even the same house?

1085
01:11:18,680 --> 01:11:21,353
I think I had a wet dream
that started like this.

1086
01:11:21,760 --> 01:11:22,954
It's those guys.

1087
01:11:28,040 --> 01:11:29,189
And ended like that.

1088
01:11:29,280 --> 01:11:30,554
Wow, taking those pills

1089
01:11:30,640 --> 01:11:33,518
might just be the best thing
you guys ever did for your social lives.

1090
01:11:33,600 --> 01:11:34,669
Oh, yeah.

1091
01:11:35,080 --> 01:11:36,115
You wanna dance?

1092
01:11:36,880 --> 01:11:40,270
Is my dick hard?
Of course the Cooze wants to dance.

1093
01:11:43,120 --> 01:11:44,633
Are you gonna dance, sexy?

1094
01:11:44,720 --> 01:11:47,029
Or are you one of those
football players who's too cool to dance?

1095
01:11:47,120 --> 01:11:50,112
Oh, baby, they don't call me
the White Shadow for nothing.

1096
01:11:55,520 --> 01:11:56,953
Come on, cutie.

1097
01:11:57,560 --> 01:11:58,879
What a bastard.

1098
01:11:58,960 --> 01:12:02,077
I told you to call off
that stupid guilt-free pass.

1099
01:12:02,520 --> 01:12:04,590
I'm so sorry, honey.

1100
01:12:04,880 --> 01:12:06,677
Is there anything we can do for you?

1101
01:12:07,240 --> 01:12:09,231
No, I think I just want to be alone.

1102
01:12:09,320 --> 01:12:12,357
No way. We are not leaving you alone
so you can beat yourself up.

1103
01:12:12,440 --> 01:12:15,113
Yeah, but I told him to do it.
I mean, I can't get mad about it now.

1104
01:12:15,200 --> 01:12:18,033
Would you quit being so logical, Tracy?
We're girls.

1105
01:12:18,120 --> 01:12:20,315
Boys should know better
than to trust us to be rational.

1106
01:12:20,400 --> 01:12:21,435
It's not in our nature.

1107
01:12:21,520 --> 01:12:23,078
It's really not.

1108
01:12:23,160 --> 01:12:26,709
So, you are going to get dressed.

1109
01:12:26,800 --> 01:12:28,472
Then, we're going to Allison's party.

1110
01:12:29,040 --> 01:12:31,190
That will get your mind off of Erik.

1111
01:12:31,280 --> 01:12:32,872
I don't want to.

1112
01:12:32,960 --> 01:12:36,236
Well, you don't have a vote in this.
Now get dressed.

1113
01:12:48,040 --> 01:12:51,157
Check out our boy.
Think he's going to lose it tonight?

1114
01:12:51,240 --> 01:12:54,949
Nope. Bet he screws it up
and ends up jerking off in the bathroom.

1115
01:12:55,040 --> 01:12:56,553
I'll bet 20 bucks says he nails her.

1116
01:12:57,760 --> 01:12:58,909
Oh, you're on.

1117
01:13:02,120 --> 01:13:04,031
Hey, hard-on brothers.

1118
01:13:04,120 --> 01:13:07,396
Do you guys have any idea how much
everybody here has been talking about you?

1119
01:13:07,480 --> 01:13:09,038
I was getting that feeling.

1120
01:13:09,120 --> 01:13:10,155
Yeah!

1121
01:13:11,160 --> 01:13:13,549
Okay, listen up, 'cause I got a plan

1122
01:13:13,640 --> 01:13:17,394
that's gonna make you guys legends.

1123
01:13:23,400 --> 01:13:25,072
Ladies and gentlemen!

1124
01:13:25,360 --> 01:13:29,592
Give a big Beta House welcome
to Ryan "Steel Rod" Grimm

1125
01:13:29,880 --> 01:13:34,510
and Mike "Everhard" Coozeman!

1126
01:13:34,600 --> 01:13:36,397
Yeah, Cooze!

1127
01:13:40,120 --> 01:13:43,430
Tonight is the dawning of a new era

1128
01:13:43,520 --> 01:13:45,556
in meaningless male competition.

1129
01:13:45,640 --> 01:13:50,395
The Heavyweight Hard-On
Championship of the World!

1130
01:13:55,400 --> 01:13:57,789
For the first phase of the competition,

1131
01:13:57,880 --> 01:14:01,190
a bucket will be hung
on the dong of each of our contestants.

1132
01:14:01,280 --> 01:14:04,477
That bucket will be filled
with a pitcher of beer.

1133
01:14:04,560 --> 01:14:08,348
First person to drop the bucket is the loser.

1134
01:14:10,000 --> 01:14:11,956
So let the penis games begin!

1135
01:14:23,280 --> 01:14:26,477
Commence the pouring!

1136
01:14:32,440 --> 01:14:33,555
You like that?

1137
01:14:33,640 --> 01:14:34,993
Oh, yeah, baby!

1138
01:14:52,440 --> 01:14:55,591
Oh, I am so sorry about that!

1139
01:14:59,200 --> 01:15:00,519
Still good.

1140
01:15:17,080 --> 01:15:19,230
Next competition.

1141
01:15:21,520 --> 01:15:23,397
The ring toss.

1142
01:15:23,920 --> 01:15:25,717
- Let's have it, girls.
- Come on.

1143
01:15:30,040 --> 01:15:32,315
That's right! On that penis!

1144
01:15:32,400 --> 01:15:34,311
Come on, baby, just like Six Flags.

1145
01:15:37,280 --> 01:15:38,599
Wrong head!

1146
01:15:42,720 --> 01:15:44,472
Ring around the cocksy.

1147
01:15:46,400 --> 01:15:48,436
You needed an extra inch on that one.

1148
01:15:57,760 --> 01:15:59,239
Can you believe this?

1149
01:16:00,120 --> 01:16:01,712
Do not let Cooze win.

1150
01:16:06,080 --> 01:16:07,911
Next competition!

1151
01:16:14,040 --> 01:16:16,315
I got a nine-inch strike zone, baby.

1152
01:16:16,400 --> 01:16:18,834
- You cocky prick.
- You can't miss it!

1153
01:16:24,400 --> 01:16:25,833
It's a hardball, son!

1154
01:16:25,920 --> 01:16:27,273
Hey, boner, boner, boner.

1155
01:16:27,800 --> 01:16:29,074
Swing, boner!

1156
01:16:29,160 --> 01:16:30,639
Deep center, baby!

1157
01:16:36,160 --> 01:16:37,798
Foul ball!

1158
01:16:51,400 --> 01:16:52,389
Bunt.

1159
01:17:02,640 --> 01:17:05,359
That is it. We're calling it a tie.

1160
01:17:05,440 --> 01:17:07,954
Your Co-Hard-on Champions of the World,

1161
01:17:08,040 --> 01:17:11,635
Ryan "Steel Rod" Grimm
and Mike "Everhard" Coozeman!

1162
01:17:27,840 --> 01:17:31,992
Fifty-six, fifty-seven, fifty-eight, fifty-nine...

1163
01:17:37,040 --> 01:17:39,395
Who's the fuckin' champ, baby?

1164
01:18:55,200 --> 01:18:56,633
Boys are a bad influence.

1165
01:18:56,720 --> 01:18:59,871
I mean, you have no idea
what he's doing or who he's doing it with.

1166
01:18:59,960 --> 01:19:02,679
This guilt-free pass thing?
Completely ridiculous.

1167
01:19:02,760 --> 01:19:06,514
The bottom line is this. You two will never be
on the same level again.

1168
01:19:06,600 --> 01:19:09,876
You're a virgin and he's not.
It's just not gonna work.

1169
01:19:10,440 --> 01:19:12,431
So, what?
I'm supposed to break up with him?

1170
01:19:12,520 --> 01:19:15,114
No, but you need to get back
on the same level.

1171
01:19:16,520 --> 01:19:19,080
You need to sleep with somebody. Tonight.

1172
01:19:19,160 --> 01:19:21,196
- Brooke.
- Shut up, Natalie.

1173
01:19:21,280 --> 01:19:23,874
It's the only way.
Imagine a month from now,

1174
01:19:23,960 --> 01:19:25,632
you decide to do it with Erik.

1175
01:19:25,720 --> 01:19:29,679
All you're going to be thinking is that he's
already had sex with some other girl.

1176
01:19:29,760 --> 01:19:32,354
The relationship will not be
equal unless you do this.

1177
01:19:32,440 --> 01:19:34,829
Oh, look. There's Trent.

1178
01:19:40,400 --> 01:19:41,549
Perfect.

1179
01:19:51,400 --> 01:19:54,073
Hey, cool. A pool table. Do you play?

1180
01:19:55,360 --> 01:19:56,793
Sometimes.

1181
01:19:57,080 --> 01:19:58,877
Well, what do you want to play?

1182
01:19:58,960 --> 01:20:00,234
I don't care.

1183
01:20:00,320 --> 01:20:04,154
Okay. Well, how about nine-ball?
Look, nine-ball.

1184
01:20:04,480 --> 01:20:07,950
It's... It's easy. You just have to get the balls
in order from one through nine.

1185
01:20:08,040 --> 01:20:12,591
I'll show you. I'll break right now.
You'll be good at it.

1186
01:20:15,200 --> 01:20:16,553
- Erik.
- Yeah.

1187
01:20:19,400 --> 01:20:20,719
Come here.

1188
01:20:35,040 --> 01:20:39,556
This is special to you, right?
I mean, this weekend, this night?

1189
01:20:40,600 --> 01:20:42,033
- Erik?
- Yes?

1190
01:20:42,320 --> 01:20:44,629
This is sex, not Shakespeare.

1191
01:20:46,200 --> 01:20:49,272
Are you sure you want to?
Because I doubt I'll be very good.

1192
01:20:49,360 --> 01:20:52,352
Don't worry.
I know how to handle guys like you.

1193
01:20:53,480 --> 01:20:54,708
Guys like me?

1194
01:20:54,800 --> 01:20:56,313
Virgins.

1195
01:20:56,600 --> 01:20:58,636
I can take care of virgins.

1196
01:21:00,000 --> 01:21:02,389
You mean, I'm not your first virgin?

1197
01:21:02,880 --> 01:21:04,996
I have a bit of a confession.

1198
01:21:06,040 --> 01:21:08,793
Some girls like blonds, some like muscles.

1199
01:21:10,080 --> 01:21:11,559
I like virgins.

1200
01:21:13,760 --> 01:21:16,115
Are you ready for a special night?

1201
01:21:31,880 --> 01:21:35,509
Hey there, beautiful.
Didn't expect to see you here tonight.

1202
01:21:35,920 --> 01:21:38,514
I came to apologize.
I heard about what happened,

1203
01:21:38,600 --> 01:21:42,036
and I wanted to let you know
that I didn't know anything about it.

1204
01:21:42,120 --> 01:21:44,350
You're not just here to set me up?

1205
01:21:44,440 --> 01:21:47,796
I would never want
to let anything happen to that gorgeous face.

1206
01:21:50,080 --> 01:21:53,595
You sure you're supposed
to be dancing on enemy territory like this?

1207
01:21:53,680 --> 01:21:57,195
I dance where I want, with who I want.

1208
01:21:58,840 --> 01:22:00,432
I like your style.

1209
01:22:02,480 --> 01:22:03,879
And your ass.

1210
01:22:16,760 --> 01:22:18,876
You know, I don't usually go for

1211
01:22:18,960 --> 01:22:21,997
suburban, jock, Abercrombie clones,

1212
01:22:22,120 --> 01:22:24,680
- but there is something about you.
- Yeah?

1213
01:22:24,760 --> 01:22:28,389
Well, I tend to have
that effect on pacifist, vegan bisexuals.

1214
01:22:38,560 --> 01:22:40,949
This guy's got good taste.

1215
01:22:41,320 --> 01:22:44,312
You sure you're up for this
after that little incident downstairs?

1216
01:22:44,400 --> 01:22:49,030
They don't call me "Everhard" because
I've only got one bullet in the chamber.

1217
01:22:49,120 --> 01:22:50,872
But just to be sure...

1218
01:22:51,400 --> 01:22:53,630
Should you be taking more of that?

1219
01:22:53,760 --> 01:22:57,196
More? I didn't take it the first time.

1220
01:22:59,160 --> 01:23:01,196
- You mean...
- That's right, baby.

1221
01:23:01,280 --> 01:23:03,748
We're gonna have a good time tonight.

1222
01:23:05,480 --> 01:23:10,190
Now get your worthless ass
on the bed, you peasant.

1223
01:23:10,880 --> 01:23:12,199
Excuse me?

1224
01:23:12,280 --> 01:23:14,191
I said, get on the bed

1225
01:23:14,280 --> 01:23:16,157
you worthless peasant!

1226
01:23:17,080 --> 01:23:19,958
What is your problem?
Whoa, what's that? What...

1227
01:23:20,040 --> 01:23:22,838
- Oh, God!
- I said, get on the bed,

1228
01:23:23,560 --> 01:23:25,551
and I meant it.

1229
01:23:27,080 --> 01:23:30,390
Oh, yeah, baby. I get it.

1230
01:23:31,440 --> 01:23:32,998
And I'm into it.

1231
01:23:33,840 --> 01:23:34,989
Shut up!

1232
01:23:38,120 --> 01:23:40,509
All right! All right! All right!

1233
01:23:57,760 --> 01:23:58,954
Brandy.

1234
01:24:00,200 --> 01:24:03,829
Look, I can't do this. I'm really sorry, okay?

1235
01:24:04,240 --> 01:24:06,196
I mean, you're really gorgeous
and really cool,

1236
01:24:06,280 --> 01:24:08,510
and I'm sure that every single
guy on this planet

1237
01:24:08,600 --> 01:24:11,398
would love to sleep with you, including me.

1238
01:24:11,720 --> 01:24:13,312
But I just can't.

1239
01:24:15,440 --> 01:24:16,793
I'm in love.

1240
01:24:20,160 --> 01:24:22,799
I hope this girl knows how lucky she is.

1241
01:24:22,880 --> 01:24:24,279
I seriously doubt that.

1242
01:24:35,120 --> 01:24:38,112
Got to say it again. It's a very nice surprise.

1243
01:24:39,080 --> 01:24:40,593
What can I say? I'm full of them.

1244
01:24:40,680 --> 01:24:41,954
So, what about Erik?

1245
01:24:42,920 --> 01:24:45,275
We're on a weekend guilt-free pass.

1246
01:24:45,800 --> 01:24:48,234
We can do anything we want.

1247
01:24:48,600 --> 01:24:50,238
Anything?

1248
01:24:50,520 --> 01:24:51,509
Anything.

1249
01:24:51,600 --> 01:24:52,953
I like the sound of that.

1250
01:25:09,120 --> 01:25:10,314
Is this your room?

1251
01:25:10,400 --> 01:25:12,914
Why, yes, it is, my diminutive goddess.

1252
01:25:14,360 --> 01:25:17,955
Good, because we are going to need

1253
01:25:18,040 --> 01:25:19,758
a little bit of privacy.

1254
01:25:30,320 --> 01:25:33,392
That's it, you pathetic slave. Keep doing that.

1255
01:25:34,280 --> 01:25:36,635
Don't you think this is
getting a little out of hand?

1256
01:25:36,720 --> 01:25:39,598
Oh, you haven't even seen
"out of hand" yet.

1257
01:25:39,680 --> 01:25:41,318
I didn't mean we had to stop.

1258
01:25:41,400 --> 01:25:44,870
Oh, we're not stopping.
We're just getting started.

1259
01:25:45,960 --> 01:25:47,712
You ready to get kinky?

1260
01:25:47,800 --> 01:25:49,677
Whoa, this isn't kinky yet?

1261
01:25:50,520 --> 01:25:51,999
Not even close.

1262
01:25:56,040 --> 01:25:57,712
What is that noise?

1263
01:26:04,880 --> 01:26:06,313
What the hell?

1264
01:26:12,160 --> 01:26:14,071
You got to be kidding me.

1265
01:26:42,320 --> 01:26:44,709
So, you wanna go upstairs?

1266
01:26:47,200 --> 01:26:49,634
Yeah, I do.

1267
01:27:03,960 --> 01:27:06,872
Hi, Mr. Sterling. Is Tracy home?

1268
01:27:07,440 --> 01:27:09,476
Hello, Erik. No, she's not.

1269
01:27:09,680 --> 01:27:12,592
She's gone to a party
with Brooke and Natalie.

1270
01:27:12,680 --> 01:27:13,669
Oh.

1271
01:27:14,640 --> 01:27:17,518
Okay. Well, sorry to disturb you, then.

1272
01:27:17,680 --> 01:27:18,874
Have a good night!

1273
01:27:23,360 --> 01:27:25,032
Crazy little fucker.

1274
01:27:30,160 --> 01:27:32,469
We gotta find Tracy. We gotta find Tracy.

1275
01:27:32,560 --> 01:27:34,915
We gotta find Tracy.
Where the fuck is Tracy?

1276
01:27:35,480 --> 01:27:38,597
I don't think sex has to be just one-on-one.

1277
01:27:39,760 --> 01:27:41,193
What the hell?

1278
01:27:43,000 --> 01:27:45,833
Tracy!

1279
01:27:47,400 --> 01:27:48,389
Hey!

1280
01:27:51,880 --> 01:27:52,995
Trace!

1281
01:27:53,320 --> 01:27:54,753
What the hell are you doing here?

1282
01:27:54,840 --> 01:27:56,637
And on a horse!

1283
01:27:56,840 --> 01:27:58,751
Where's Tracy? I have to see her.

1284
01:27:58,840 --> 01:28:01,479
We think it's best if you just leave her alone.

1285
01:28:01,560 --> 01:28:02,959
What? Why?

1286
01:28:03,040 --> 01:28:05,793
Because we know about
your little sorority slut.

1287
01:28:05,880 --> 01:28:09,589
- What are you talking about?
- She saw you kiss that girl on TV.

1288
01:28:10,040 --> 01:28:13,555
Shit. Wait a second. So what?
I was on a guilt-free pass.

1289
01:28:13,640 --> 01:28:16,234
Wake up, Erik. There is no such thing.

1290
01:28:17,240 --> 01:28:18,229
Where is Tracy?

1291
01:28:18,320 --> 01:28:22,233
Oh, we gave Tracy a guilt-free pass,
and she's using it right now.

1292
01:28:26,120 --> 01:28:28,031
Tracy! Trace!

1293
01:28:32,320 --> 01:28:35,039
Hey, hey. Tracy Sterling.
Have you seen her?

1294
01:28:35,120 --> 01:28:38,157
I think she went upstairs with Trent a little...

1295
01:28:38,600 --> 01:28:39,715
Tracy!

1296
01:28:41,440 --> 01:28:42,589
Tracy.

1297
01:28:48,640 --> 01:28:51,313
Trace, can you hear me? Are you in there?

1298
01:28:51,520 --> 01:28:54,239
Trace, if you can hear me, I am sorry.

1299
01:28:54,320 --> 01:28:56,356
I am really sorry about everything, okay?

1300
01:28:56,440 --> 01:28:59,557
I know you gave me this pass,
but I didn't use it.

1301
01:28:59,720 --> 01:29:01,995
I mean I did use it,
but it was only for a few seconds.

1302
01:29:02,080 --> 01:29:05,231
I couldn't go through with it,
so I came here looking for you, okay?

1303
01:29:05,320 --> 01:29:08,437
Look, I don't care about the sex.
I really don't.

1304
01:29:09,120 --> 01:29:11,839
It's not the most important thing. You are.

1305
01:29:12,360 --> 01:29:14,191
Trace, I love you.

1306
01:29:15,680 --> 01:29:17,193
Can you hear me? I love you!

1307
01:29:17,280 --> 01:29:19,919
Do you mind? I'm trying to get laid here.

1308
01:29:22,800 --> 01:29:24,711
You rode
a horse for me?

1309
01:29:33,680 --> 01:29:36,638
When I heard her, I thought...

1310
01:29:37,680 --> 01:29:39,591
I couldn't do it, either.

1311
01:29:43,040 --> 01:29:44,598
I love you, too.

1312
01:30:11,280 --> 01:30:12,554
Should we?

1313
01:31:19,360 --> 01:31:21,316
I'm telling you, man.
I parked the car right here.

1314
01:31:21,400 --> 01:31:25,313
Well, obviously, you didn't,
because then it would be right here.

1315
01:31:26,040 --> 01:31:27,632
Where the hell is Erik?

1316
01:31:27,720 --> 01:31:31,235
Dude, I don't even know
where my underwear is.

1317
01:31:32,920 --> 01:31:34,148
Somebody call a taxi?

1318
01:31:34,240 --> 01:31:35,639
Where the fuck did you go?

1319
01:31:35,720 --> 01:31:36,789
To get some breakfast.

1320
01:31:36,880 --> 01:31:38,871
Oh, sweet. I'm starving.

1321
01:31:45,880 --> 01:31:47,279
I take it you guys had a good night.

1322
01:31:47,360 --> 01:31:49,271
Oh, completely out of hand, bro.

1323
01:31:49,360 --> 01:31:50,952
Where are the girls?

1324
01:31:51,040 --> 01:31:54,828
They all split this morning. Said they had to
drive to State for some big party.

1325
01:31:54,920 --> 01:31:56,478
That must make you feel pretty special.

1326
01:31:56,560 --> 01:31:58,835
"Special"? Who cares about special?

1327
01:31:58,920 --> 01:32:00,956
All I care about is the sex.

1328
01:32:01,040 --> 01:32:04,919
And, baby, I had plenty. Yeah.

1329
01:32:05,360 --> 01:32:08,079
And just how out of hand
was this sex, Cooze?

1330
01:32:08,160 --> 01:32:10,549
I don't wanna talk about it. Ever.

1331
01:32:12,800 --> 01:32:17,316
Speaking of which,
did you seal the deal with that Brandy chick?

1332
01:32:19,720 --> 01:32:20,948
No.

1333
01:32:21,040 --> 01:32:22,917
I told you. Pay up.

1334
01:32:23,640 --> 01:32:26,313
But I did have sex with Tracy last night.

1335
01:32:30,440 --> 01:32:31,589
What are you talking about?

1336
01:32:31,680 --> 01:32:33,079
Tracy.

1337
01:32:33,400 --> 01:32:35,789
I drove home
in the middle of the night, I ran out of gas,

1338
01:32:35,880 --> 01:32:38,952
stole a horse, rode over to Allison's party...

1339
01:32:39,040 --> 01:32:41,110
- We had sex in the guest room.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

1340
01:32:41,200 --> 01:32:42,838
- You stole a horse?
- Yup.

1341
01:32:42,920 --> 01:32:44,672
A real horse?
Like the kind you ride and shit?

1342
01:32:44,760 --> 01:32:46,113
Yeah, a real horse.

1343
01:32:46,200 --> 01:32:47,428
That's fucking fantastic.

1344
01:32:47,520 --> 01:32:49,272
I didn't think you had the
balls for something like that.

1345
01:32:49,360 --> 01:32:51,749
- Neither did I.
- Where did you find a horse?

1346
01:32:51,840 --> 01:32:53,910
Are there horses in Great Falls?

1347
01:32:56,000 --> 01:32:57,399
Proud of you,

1348
01:32:58,360 --> 01:32:59,509
Stifler.

1349
01:33:01,000 --> 01:33:03,958
Thanks, man. I appreciate it.
But call me Erik.

1350
01:33:12,440 --> 01:33:15,238
So, how do you feel?
- Best night of my entire life.

1351
01:33:15,320 --> 01:33:17,629
See you in a year,
college pussy!

1352
01:33:33,160 --> 01:33:34,832
Mail call, bitches.

1353
01:33:36,360 --> 01:33:37,475
Scooter.

1354
01:33:38,600 --> 01:33:39,749
Scratchy.

1355
01:33:40,800 --> 01:33:41,949
Tripod.

1356
01:33:47,080 --> 01:33:48,115
What the hell?

1357
01:33:48,200 --> 01:33:49,599
What is it, man?

1358
01:33:50,520 --> 01:33:51,919
I don't know.

1359
01:34:03,320 --> 01:34:05,311
<i>Smile for the camera, baby.</i>

1360
01:34:13,360 --> 01:34:15,920
Oh, man. That is fucked up.

1361
01:34:18,720 --> 01:34:20,153
Stifler!